Did I Forget You Again?

Busy few days. I've been to a course in Sharepoint which is gonna be big. Well, big in the computer world anyway. Other than that I'm ... actually almost afraid to write stuff here since my new... is girlfriend too soon to say?... anyway, she's reading this place so I'm careful right now.

Another thing is that a friend of mine lost her cousin during the weekend and I've done my best to support her and it got me thinking back 5 years to when I lost my best friend all of a sudden. Very depressing indeed but a good reminder that no matter how much we try to control our lives there's nothing we can do when life serves these curveballs.

"No, seriously..."

That date on saturday, that was very spontaneous, went pretty ok. What I liked about her was her humor so when we were having dinner and talking I think we sat the record of how many times the phrase "no, seriously..." have been used in one hour. 'Cause both of us were very sarcastic, ironic and making fun of ourselves that we just had to make sure when we were serious and not. I hope we'll get a better read on each other next time or this could get complicated and end with misunderstandings. Which wouldn't be the first time.

Other than that, life proceding as normal.

Cyber meatmarket

All of my friends and collegues who know I'm a good guy that deserves to find that "special someone" is telling me that I should really be into these online matchmaking places. So about 6 months ago I signed up on two of them and it's terrible. I'm sitting there going through the list thinking "too old", "too young", "too booring", "too far away", there's always something I whine about. How pathetic am I?! But the other day there was a girl there that caught my attention with a hilarious intro and we're going out tonight. Best test to see if I'm over "you know who" I guess.

The most boring thing I know

As I said a few weeks ago my doctor gave me pills and stuff for a 10 day long "get rid of all allergies" sprint. One of the things I was suppose to do was have a bath with this purple potassium shit (or "kalium" if you wanna be accurate). I usually don't take baths in my bathtub and I was reminded why. It's so very frustratingly boring. I know in my head I have atleast 10 different things I should be doing so lying there completely useless not doing anything. I even tried having my laptop there, no luck. It's still the most boring thing I know.

Finding Something To Look Forward To

So now I've been to italy and I've been to the UK, and now I honestly need to find something else to look forward to. There's midsummer's eve comming up but I've never been a big fan of that so we'll see, but I need something more. At work everything is just ticking along nicely and my personal life isn't ticking along at all at the moment. I got some vacation time coming up in august and nothing to do.

I guess I'll just surf around the web finding hilarious clips like this one with some pro stealing Bush's wristwatch, awesome :)

It's A Beautiful Day

Woke up at 9.30, got my ass out on my balcony and got an hour of hot sun, got on the train into stockholm, sat down on Norrmalmstorg with shades on, a cool lemon ice tea in my hand and playing Moby's "Lift Me Up" and that's when it hit me... this is life :)

And yesterday I was introduced to Facebook.com, a grown up version of Lunarstorm, for people to set up a network of friends, family, send message, share pictures and keep everyone updated what's going on. Basically what I'm doing here but here it's just me. Go over there and register and send a friends request to Kristoffer Ström!

I'm A Slacker

 This weekend was a huge slacking weekend for me. Nothing to do on friday at all, on sunday I helped my sis moved to a new house, then out to my parents to enjoy the years first BBQ and as usual ate way way too much and thanks to the heat I couldn't work up energy to do anything more. Then today I did nothing really important all day today, some WoW, catching up on "Heros" (awesome tv show!) and ending with a GREAT Formula 1 race from Canada. Ok it wasn't great for Kubica but from a spectators POV it was a great. Kinda made up for the one from Monaco.

And this week I'm working late all week which in summertime means 13-20 which is just slacking! Gonna make sure to enjoy plenty of ice creams in Kungsan!
 

Not Him Too

Today Påvel Ramel died. That makes me sad but in a weird way makes me smile. Because he was one of the really good guys. He was a true entertainer. He always laughed, always had fun and made some classic songs and even started an award foundation for people with elite language skills (an award I obviously won't ever win). He was fun. He will be missed. I've never been able to order at a japanese restaurant without laughing because of him.

Back In Action

Ok, I'm back to sweden and one of the first things I'm doing is trying to transfer this site to a new server. Here's hoping that goes as well as I planned.

We had a blast in London! Walked around half the town, went out to Biggin Hill for the airshow, did even more walking and enjoyed some pub food and some texas food and alot of beer. All in all a kick ass weekend! Will write a day-by-day entry later when I have more time.

All I Ever Wanted, All I Ever Needed

Speaking of song lyrics I just heard one that totally describes my relationship to that girl - Depeche Modes 'Enjoy the silence'. All I ever wanted all I ever needed is here in my arms. Words are very unecessary, they can only do harm. As long as we were just lying in her soffa holding each other it was heaven and I wanted to stop time. Then we started talking and it screwed it all up. Anyway I'm off to london now, I'm in the car to the airport and writing this on my blackberry. Hi-tech for the win! Will update when I get back. And by then I'm 32! Have fun.

I Wen't To The Doctor And Guess What He Told Me

Kinda funny to use song lyrics as titles to my updates, makes them seem less negative. Anyway, I did actually go to a specialist in the field of allergies and eczema. He took one look at me, made his diagnosis and gave me prescription for all kinds of stuff like penecillin and anti-biotics and creams and said "take this stuff for 10 days and you'll feel right as rain". "But shouldn't we try to figure out and diagnose what I'm allergic to rather than kill the symptoms?"... "nope, this is genetic, nothing we can do yet, we'll kill it now and it'll stay dead for a long time and get back to me when it's bothering you again". So that's what I'm gonna start with this on monday since it's a bad idea to take all this stuff when I'm in england. Did I not mention I'm going to england this weekend?... I am.
Another thing I plan to do this summer is trying to reach 95 kilos which I haven't been down to for well over a decade. It's alot easier to squeze in the time to do that in the summer since we work an hour less here. But mind you, I have no idea how much I'm wieghing now but I'd guess 110 again.

Boring ...

So what's going on in your life? Not much happening here. As a matter of fact I had one of the most laid back weekends ever! Had a bit of a party at a neighbors apartment on saturday and tried to enjoy the F1 race at the sportsbar but that was so hard since the race was oh so boring and uneventful.

And I think I'm over that crushing blow from last weekend. And the reason I think I took it so hard was partially the way she did it but mostly because I'm 32 in a few days and still hopelessly single. And the one person I thought "this could really work!" threw me out. So let's all stand together and sing "things can only get better!"

Hell No, Tell Me I Didn't Do That!

Yesterday we had one of those "customer events" that I'm pretty used to from working as a consultant, but the past few times I've been there as a customer which is always much nicer. This time we were treated to Casino Cosmopol. We got a presentation of the company, some poker lessons (as if I needed 'em) and a posh 3 course meal (meaning I was still hungry afterwards) and then to the blackjack table and alooooot of beer and stuff. They were buying so I didn't really notice just how much I did drink After going up 2000 and losing it again I thought I'd just call it even and go home. So there I am on the train home at 1 am with quite alot of alcohol in me and what is the absolutely worst idea at that point?... yeap, you guessed it, took up the cell and sent off a few messages. Not so bad most of them except that I had to send one to her as well! I'm such a dumb ass sometimes!! I checked the message this morning and it was a pretty good one, honest and to the point. Unfortunately, since she obviously don't feel for me what I do for her when she read it she probably just thought "looooooser, I gotta change my number!". So now the question do I send a retraction and joke about it or just ignore it... Oh man do I suck...
(Update: She had the humor to laugh at it :))

Vices

Today I'm gonna indulge in another vice - gambling. Got a VIP invitation to Casino Cosmopol tonight and it just might be what I need to get in a bit better mood than I am. Or it may just make it worse, who knows, I'll just go with the "take a chance" motto and see what happens. Can't get worse then last time...

It Could Be Worse

Yesterday night at about 20:37 I hit rock bottom when I got into this whole "I'm gonna die alone" bullshit, how sad is that! And that doesn't have much to do with this girl it was just a general depressing observation I made. The deep part is that that observation didn't use to be depressing.... But after getting that depressed I woke up today and just said "cheer up Brian, things could be alot worse you know!". And as if that's not enough I got these calming words from my own personal italian guru - "be yourself and enjoy what lifes brings you, your a special person sooner or later somethin good will happen, but it will always be unexpected, stop looking for it". Love you Dago - in a strictly heterosexual way.

Getting Over It

Ok, I know I defnitely took that more serious than I should. After all, in her mind we were probably only "fooling around" again even though I made it clear I was after a bit more, if only just a bit - not like I was gonna ask her to move in with me or change her life. It was just a very unique feeling for me to be so close to a woman and feeling completely comfortable. Not nervous of doing or saying the wrong thing, not looking for a way out, just completely comfortable. It doesn't happen that often and I wanted to hang on to it (yeap, singing "Somewhere I Belong" with Linkin Park). But if she feels half as much for me as I do for her I wouldn't be writing here.

So let's start work on getting over that... anyone have a five step plan for that btw?

What Do You Want?

I had a small ICQ chat with her yesterday and what it all boils down to is the evil question of "what do you want?". 'Cause what I want is blatantly obvious and as usual it's up to the female to set the limits of how far to go which is why I had to ask it. I dunno if I'm just too old for the "love me/love me not" games. Anyway, she couldn't come up with good answers so I just laid it out for her, she has my number, call me when she's figured it out. Which I'm pretty sure means I'll never hear from her regarding this ever. Which leaves me wondering what'll happen next time we meet at a party? Knowing me I'll probably exercise the better part of valor and leave cause I don't wanna feel like I did yesterday ever again.

What do I want?... I wanna quote Max Payne (the videogame): "The things that I want by Max Payne. A smoke. A whisky. For the sun to shine. My wife and baby girl back. Unlimited ammo and a license to kill. Right then, more than anything, I wanted her."

Now let's start thinking about the opposite of that question - "who are you"...
(I think you're gonna have to see "Babylon 5" to know what I'm talking about)

What Happened? I Don't Really Know

So almost 6 months after we first met and had our 3 week thing, we finally met up at a party again. Last time we saw each other I was in a bad phase and didn't really make an effort or anything and we both agreed it wasn't working and split with a hug. And since then I've been very curious what would happened when we met again at some party since it was bound to happen and yesterday was that day. There was housewarming party and I showed up with pretty clear intention of trying to get that thing between us going. Abd within the hour it was warming up and by midnight it was all good and looked like mission accomplished. But she was still sending me mixed messages and by 2 I don't think even she knew what she wanted so I pushed it by saying "I'm going home". And after a bit of fuss in the hallway where we both realised this was getting way complicated she threw me out. Not in a kind, gentle "please leave", but "get out!". After wandering around lost in thought I found a cab, went home and was completely devastated by this. Totally!

I've been going through it all in my head what I said, should've said and shouldn't have said and I honestly don't know what happened. How could we go from sweet cuddling to her throwing me out? The only reason she stated which was that I'm too nice of a guy for her and she'd end up hurting me was BS since that's exactly what she did. I don't think I've ever been hurt as bad as I was by this. Not even when that chick at work wrote that pissed of mail did I get _this_ hurt. Now I have no idea what to do next, try to call her again and see if she knows what she wants yet or what tha hell is going on. 'cause there's no doubt what I want, even after getting this burnt.

And today I was a complete wreck as well. It was suppose to be a happy day and celebrate my fathers birthday but I really put a damper on that mood.

I'm Going Into Celebacy

Women are evil. It feels like an atom bomb went off inside me. I feel like shit. It's not worth it.

I'm going into celibacy and I can't even be bothered to spell it correctly.

Women Are Evil

The other day I was out with some friends and came home late in the afternoon and had just logged onto WoW when I get a message from "that chick I was dating back in December" asking me to "stop playing computer games and come out and join her, her best friend and a WoW buddy and see the sun!". Still incapable of saying no to women I reluctantly agreed and we went to a place to drive some go cart. Not my idea since the last time I drove one of those I had a bit of an accident. And when I get there... there's no sun and there's no "that chick I used to date back in December". She had other plans and just simply tricked me into getting outside. How very typical female of her...

Unfortunately for her we had a blast and it really was her loss :)